it seems like i've been waiting forever for mom and dad to wake up, so i can finally open my presents. every year it gets harder to wait, but this one's the hardest. there's never anything good to do on a christmas morning, so i just, get up, walk around, sit again, and fidget. it seems to slip my mind thought when i can actually see them laying there in bed. i get hungry, but when i go to get a bowl of cereal, i seem them there, all laid out in front of me under the tree, just out of my reach. i can't touch them till my parents are up, but i want them so bad. i have to wait, for i cannot wake them myself. my friends are already calling me, telling me what they got for christmas, jessica got that new barbie. but i should be the one. it should be me who got has their toy they always wanted. the snow is falling, but i am at a standstill. i can't seem to move now, and i start crying because i know my predicament must be because of all those times i fought with my brothers or didn't clean my room. i just thought they were late sleepers, but mom would be up by now if had been a better kid...
it was one of those dreams that sticks with you even in the waking hours, leaving you feeling odd for the day. its the first time in a long time i have been able to remember my whole dream, long enough to still write about it. i usually just dream about work related things, but every now and then a weird one slips in. i can't shake the feeling though. writing about it feels better though.
my mom and don left today back for new jersey, and i miss her already, and that probably is what is mostly bumming me out moreso than my dream. i didn't get to see her much while she was out, even though she stayed at my house. i hope she moves back here someday. i am at the dawn of my future, and my mom won't be here to experience it with me. her family needs her out there right now much more than we need her here, but i really really do miss her a lot.
i also found out today that one of my favorite people who i love and respect, does drugs. i am so disappointed, in this new and with her. is it wrong of me to be disappointed in someone for that? i don't think it changes my opinion of her, but it makes me sad to find it out.